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| Runnin' Cross The Breeze 20 most recent entries |
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What are your essential albums?
80s pop star Teena Marie appeared on The View this morning to perform a song from her new album and set a new 80s pop star record for “Amount A Once Probable Heartthrob Now Looks Like Your Aunt.” I’m not one to judge a book by its amount that it does or does not look like your aunt, but Teena Marie reeeally does not look or perform like an actual professional performer of music (although this is apparently the happiest day of Sherri’s life):
In today’s horse biting news… or should I say “neighhhhh-ws”??? No, I shouldn’t, cause you’d be like, what the hell is that word, I can’t read it. So I’ll stick with “horse news”:
A woman is suing because she was bitten by a police horse named Mr. Biggs? I couldn’t decide which go-to lazy Photoshop joke was appropriate here, so I decided to do both:
We couldn’t afford to bring in an actual ad agency to come up with our new Jeep campaign, so I just gave a shiny quarter to Billy Schroeder, the winner of Mr. Parham’s 7th grade poetry contest, to read his poem “Clocks” overtop some footage of clocks. What does this have to do with Jeep, you ask? Heh…what DOESN’T it? [Board room of executives applauds, too afraid to admit that they have no f*cking clue what this commercial is about or how it ties in to Jeep in even the slightest bit]
Knowing that every day Between watching the clock Or I can greedily, And never I live [Board room applauds. Auto industry collapses again.] post a comment
To begin with, any episode that opens with a close-up of Don Draper sleeping has nothing but promise. Even his morning, mucusy, lung like a hoarse cough can’t ruin the fantasy. Oh, sorry, we meant that it can ruin the fantasy. Get that checked out, Don.
Then, the camera cuts to some DVD extras from There Will Be Blood. Oh… wait, no, this is Don’s — Dick’s — childhood again. Seems Papa Whitman is holding out on the other farmers, wanting to wait to sell his crop until the prices are back up. And kudos to the costume department for creating the most hillbilly looking people to ever be on television. If there was an Emmy Award for “Most Convincing Bindle”, believe us, Mad Men would take the jug cake. Don tells Bert Cooper about the buyout. Here is an exclusive look at Cooper’s reaction: Indeed, the Titanic script would come in handy. Only that whole “never let go” advice would have been lost on Don. He wants to buy McCann out. And for the first time ever, we see some real ~emotion~ coming out of Draper! He’s mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore! He’s TAKING CHARGE. And there’s only one person who’s going to be by his side on this matter. Roger Sterling. Oh, sure, he’s coquettish at first. But Roger’s got the Lucky Strike account that’s keeping them afloat. Bert tells Roger to get on board. Don locks him into his steely-eyed tractor beam. And it seems these two are back in business. Remember the Mad Men poster with the water rising up Don’s legs? (If not, see the first photo used in this post.) Well, it’s all been leading up to this. He tries to talk her out of it. She’s had a tough couple of weeks, he insists. But that ain’t it, Donny boy. She’s had a tough year. Seriously, though, how would you feel if you just had a baby and spent the last 5 months m-bating on a fainting couch fantasizing about a less handsome version of your husband while the man you married was putting it in your kid’s teacher? Pretty divorcy, right? Right.
Betty and Henry meet with their divorce lawyer, who assumes, as we all have, that these two have had plenty of intercourse with each other’s private parts. He tells them to go to Reno for 6 weeks, establish residency, and make the divorce as easy as possible. But how much money does she want? Isn’t the rule half? Henry assures Betty he will take care of her and the three kids. It’s here we realize… holy… mother… of… God… in 6 weeks… DON DRAPER WILL BE SINGLE. Pryce calls Mr. Sheffield in London, who tells him that PPL is also being sold. This comes as a shock. Lane is, in many ways, his own neglected wife. And as we know, this episode is all about reclaiming. Reclaiming independence. Or, in Pryce’s case, his balls back. HOBO FLASHBACK #2: Dick’s Mom is all “We’re poor!”, and his Dad’s all “Fine! I’ll sell it! And take it to Chicago tonight!” He’s drunk. He goes to untie his horse, as dick takes a swig from a giant jug. Lightning strikes, and Dick’s father gets kicked in the face by a horse. Hard. Like, has a horseshoe shaped cut and everything. He’s dead. Lesson learned: If you give in, you will get kicked in the face by a horse. And Don? He’s not gonna settle for that. No horse is going to kick DON F**KING DRAPER in the FACE. Emergency meeting time! The plan: After some light bickering, Don proposes that Pryce fires them. Fire them to get out of their godforsaken contracts. But why should he? Hellewwww Pryce is the whipping boy of PPL. Don tells him they’ll put his name on the door if he goes through with it. He’ll finally be a man! It’s like his Biz Mitzvah. But if they’re going to start their own firm, they’ll need to pillage Sterling Cooper for all the necessary materials and employees.
Wait, there is one. Office is closed for the weekend. Pillaging time! Friday, December 13, 1963: Four guys became ballers. And the scramble begins: Get Pete on the line! Peggy, in Don’s office! Now, you know Peggy has a newfound confidence because she’s sleeping with Duck. She doesn’t need Don, or his new company, or his attitude. And for the first time this season, And then there is Pete Campbell. Poor Pete. Rapes a girl, doesn’t get promoted. He’s down on his luck, to be sure, and that flannel robe he’s wearing seems to be the only comfort he has in his life. (On the real, he looks cozy.) Roger and Don want him as part of the new firm. But Pete, he’s a sensitive one. He wants to know if they’ve talked… (thin lipped delivery) to Ken? They haven’t. He warms up, but insists he gets paid a compliment before he agrees, because he’s a fancy lady from the 1700s. He wants in as partner, and it seems Roger is impressed. That little smile of his is so telling, isn’t it? Also, when did Roger become the best character on Mad Men? Oh we remember now. It’s when he tells Don about Betty’s dalliances with Henry Francis. It’s like… scary. You can feel the heat shooting out of Don’s jealous eyes. He’ll confront Betty about it, of course, but let him have just a few hundred whiskeys beforehand.
It’s the weekend. A certain few have been called in, namely Pete and Harry Crane, the head of New Media. Crane wants to call his wife but they need an answer. Aw. He’s in, obviously. Don steps out of a Details fashion shoot to break the news of their divorce to the kids. Betty is a stone cold bitch in this scene, though she does shed a few tears. Don seems to be the one the kids love, and of course. Now the kids hate their Mom, and can you blame them? He had to sleep in Gene’s room! Frankly, I’d also be hugging Don’s leg begging him not to leave. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why children grow up to be drug addicts. See, also, every episode of Intervention. Here’s a nice Brady Bunch style screencap of the moment courtesy of Goldenfiddle (click to enlarge):
Draper goes to Peggy’s pad to apologize and let her know how much they need her. How much he needs her. Well f**k a duck, it’s sweet. He’s making amends! And really, what can she do? Burn her Draper bridge? Guess who is back? JOANIE! Finally!! This season has been missing Joan. Peggy enters with Don! It’s the MAD MEN DREAM TEAM. Only hole up… where is Sal? In the Art Department of course. Sorry, we mean Fart Department:
Sal isn’t in there people. Where. Is. He? No Mad Men Dream Team (MMDT) could be complete without his lily footed Bye Bye Birdie impressions. The Velveeta boxes are packed, as a group of Williamsburg hipsters — sorry, “Moving Men in the 1960s” — wheel their stuff out. The doors close, and it’s the end of Sterling Cooper as we know it. They leave the doors unlocked. So much Crown Royal to steal, get in there! Pryce’s smarmy male secretary tells him Mistuh Sheffielduh is on the line. You guys, he is soooo mad. Pryce gets fired for insubordination and lack of character. Line of the night: “Very good! Happy Christmas!” OH SNAP Y’ALL! Looks like it’s time for our favorite Mad Men Pun Name Character to come out of his shell… DAVID HYDE FIERCE:
(PS: The actor who plays Pryce, Jared Harris… his nickname is “Hot Buns.” Also? HIS FATHER IS DUMBLEDORE. Discuss.)
Seems pretty convenient that there’s a bed in their new office, eh? And look at our little family? It’s like The Godfather ending of advertising companies. Betty is on an airplane headed to Reno with her newborn and Henry, while the older children will be left with Carla for the all-too-short-time of 6 weeks. In all seriousness, Carla is Sally and Bobby’s only hope for a normal adulthood. Don heads to his new city apartment, which will soon be covered in an exclusive wallpaper made out of all the bodily fluids we’re sure him and his slew of paramours will leave all over the joint. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you end a season. And now, only 9 more months until we are presented with Mad Men circa 1964, where the plot possibilities are endless. Some ideas (or dreams):
Overall, did we like it?
Quite. Tell us how much you loved the episode in the comments, and any thought you had about the Season 3 Finale and/or hopes for next season. Until then…
Geez, first we had that stupid tween book series about Frankensteins, then that HBO series about Frankensteins, then the CW rip-off Frankenstein show, and now ANOTHER movie about a teenage girl falling in love with a Frankenstein? Is this lame Frankenstein craze ever gonna end? post a comment
Which was more bizarre last Friday: The woman with TWO vaginas on Tyra or Rob Lowe’s attempt to act like a high school student in the latest Lifetime movie? While you decide, check out Doug Benson’s reviews of this weekend’s movies in 8 words or less on Best Day Ever: Best Day Ever returns next Tuesday, November 17th at 11pm. post a comment
I’ve listed my questions below followed by Doug’s responses, so it’s like we’re talking to one another on the screen right in front of you! Enjoy. It’s already November — Have you picked out your 10 Best Picture Nominees yet? No, because most of the award bait films haven’t come out yet. Like OLD DOGS, for one. What if you were forced to limit your list to just 8? Like at gunpoint? That would be a weird thing to force somebody to do. Favorite movie this year that definitely won’t get nominated for anything? A tie between DRAG ME TO HELL and ZOMBIELAND.
THE BOX – It’s like Deal or No Deal, sans Howie. What tv shows have you been keeping up with this season? 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Rec – I only have time for 22 minute bursts of entertainment. I don’t even have time to say “recreation”! Most pleasant surprise of the tv season? Biggest disappointment? That Flash Forward hasn’t been canceled yet. And that Flash Forward hasn’t been canceled yet. You’re a self-professed Twitter addict with an extremely loyal fanbase (45,000+ Followers) – has your Twitter addiction cooled off at all since the initial excitement, or just gotten worse? It remains the same. Some days I tweet 30 times, while on other days, just 29. You released your second cd, “Unabalanced Load,” over the summer, just one year after releasing your first, “Professional Humoredian.” Have you found it difficult at all to keep on performing as often as you have now that a solid 90-100 minutes of your go-to material is on cd? Most people who come to my live shows haven’t listened to my CDs. The people who have might have to suffer through hearing a joke or two again.
That apparently there’s a 14th state that we weren’t aware of. We didn’t go to Maryland because we didn’t know it was a medical marijuana state. I’m still not sure if it is or not. Stoner news tends to be a little foggy. Do you feel like it’s a conflict of interest to support medical marijuana with such a rigorous, active touring schedule? I wanted to prove that a stoner could go through such a rigorous schedule and not screw it up. And I did. I imagine there are pros and cons to attracting a significant stoner audience and asking them to attend shows / sit and react for 50 minutes? I don’t let my shows drag on and on, because I know the audience is jonesing for a smoke. And so am I! Anything you’d like to say to the 37 states out there that still don’t allow medical marijuana? Be like Maryland. If indeed Maryland is a medical marijuana state. Still not sure. post a comment
Allow me to break down that sentence, in case any of my theater major brethren out there still have delusions of grandeur about where “theater” ranks on the totem pole of legitimate American art forms. Ashlee Simpson:
Long story short — I think I burned my theater degree a couple years ago, but I’m gonna try to track down the ashes and pee on them.
Samuel L. Jackson is a Bad Motherf**ker. Correction: Samuel L. Jackson is a Bad Motherf**ker who pumps his own Motherf**king gasoline. Correction Part 2: Samuel L. Jackson is a Bad Motherf**ker who pumps his own Motherf**king gasoline who also dressed like my Motherf**king Dad and wears a Motherf**king bluetooth earpiece and leather cell phone case. *pause* Yeah, OK, that’s it. Also, kudos to the man for keeping his eye on the price. Only Sam J. could wear that outfit while pumping his own gas and still look cool as sh*t. That is his genius. Ahead, another photo of SLJ pumpin’ his own G.
You’ve probably already heard of Sliimy, the lithe androgynous French singer who has been something of a trending topic across the blogs. But have you seen his pretty genius video covering Britney Spears’ “Womanizer”? While it seems the last thing anyone could accuse this guy of is womanizing — given that he looks like a white Hollywood Montrose (a good thing!) — his loungy cover of a song formerly sung by a robot is a welcome addition to our Britney playlist, though, dare we say, not better than the original. The music video is pretty amazing. Womanizer in LA hands Sliimy | MySpace Video
well if the username and date don't give it away, it's
my dad took me out for brunch. i felt ok, i felt good, i felt numb, mostly.           Fucking Tourist Postcard Photography  
 Discuss Mad Men and how fantastic the finale was/show continues to be. Or just admire Joan's fine, fine ass.  Alternatively, what aren't you doing that you should be? What schoolwork/real world obligations are you neglecting? 120 comments | post a comment
Jerry Fuchs, drummer extraordinaire and all-around cool guy, is dead.
hi how was your weekend, what did you do? pix? 90 comments | post a comment
What do you think is the perfect tattoo spot? No tramp stamps thanks. I already have one on the inside of my wrist and don't want any more on my arms. I am getting something slightly bigger than a lighter if you need specifics.
itt post some good mashups |
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Last night’s Mad Men season finale took an old timey frying pan filled to the brim with hobo grease and promise, and, like a frightened horse hoof to the face, slammed it upside America’s collective heads. On the scale of “Epic Finales”, this was one flash forward death sequence away from being as good as our all time fave,
Don meets with Connie Hilton, who has come a long way since his days 
Roger and Don steep some tea and ask to speak with Pryce. They offer to buy back the company for the purchase price plus 12 percent. He tells them that is just not possible and leaves. The men are still bound up by their contracts, i.e. screwed.
It is here Mad Men turns into a veritable Jerry Maguire. I half expected Don to walk out of the office holding a goldfish over his head while Peggy pops a Lemonhead into her mouth, grabs her travel mug, and drives him to the airport. If only there was a memo…
we fall in love with Peggy again. There are so many balls poppin’ out all over the place it’s beginning to get hard to concentrate. First Kennedy gets shot and the next thing you know, women learn how to speak up for themselves! She tells him she doesn’t want to make a career out of being there so Don can “kick her when she fails.” He seems stunned. When did this baller lose his swagger? Oh right: This entire season.
Oh no. Don is home. He shoves Betty. Who is Henry? No one. This is scary. Don feels entitled about his marriage because he supported Betty financially. But she needs more than that. It is here we are convinced this Mad Men season finale would borrow from one of our other favorite movies: What’s Love Got To Do With It. Because it seemed an almost certainty that Betty would get kicked in the face by a horse… or, in this case, her husband. Don threatens to take the kids, and you can almost feel the breath coming out of Betty’s sigh of relief. Side note: Maybe if Don called Betty his whore more often they wouldn’t be in this divorcing mess! 
The office is left in shambles. The wake of their destruction is devastating to the one left behind. And the new offices of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce? At the Pierre Hotel of course. Don calls Betty to sort of clear the air, telling her he hopes she gets what she’s always wanted. She tells him that he’ll always be their father. If we weren’t in the middle of chopping up a bucketful of onions for one of our famous post-Mad Men ratatouille parties, we would swear these tears on our cheeks were real. 
Any recent eight-words-or-less movie reviews you want to get off your chest?
You also recently completed your Medical Marijuana Tour, performing shows in each of the 13 states with legalized medical marijuana in 13 days. What did you learn from this experience?
Ashlee Simpson, fresh off being fired from her supporting role in the CW’s Melrose Place, has 
