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D'ailleurs, c'est toujours les autres qui meurent

Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.

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  2010.09.23  21.22
big ideas (don't get any)

did these feelings even exist before electronic music?


  2010.05.22  14.04
okie dokie

it is really hot in my house, one of these is what i'm thinkin

in case you were wondering college was awesome, home is less awesome but i have awhile to work it out. everyone keeps saying they want the summer to be faster or slower, i am good with however time decides to play this one.


  2009.08.26  23.45

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i can't concentrate on anything, i feel like i'm standing at the top of a diving board. i am a little ready, but who can really imagine the total impact?


  2009.06.18  01.37

i'm listening to parliament. it's so good. they're making farting noises into their hands and saying "ga ga goo ga, ga ga goo ga ga". how cool would it be to be a baby again? or george clinton?

oh boy oh boy, i can't wait for something to happen. though i am enjoying the "slow" life, or slow-er. a really boring hipster boy likes me, a lot. however, he has a waterbed. i could laugh for days.


  2009.06.08  23.59
i love the pacific northwest

whose flannel shirt am i wearing? i was so sleepy after i drank that beer, but not anymore


  2009.05.27  22.17

 i have a lot of regrets, i didn't even realize. how funny it all is.


  2009.04.21  07.24

oh, drunken navel gazing, taxi rides, gluttony etc. etc.


  2009.04.07  20.16

This is my 200th livejournal entry, I just turned 18 and I got into Columbia. And I don't know what to tell you. This seems like a good moment for reflection, and I got nothin'. I'm not even that scared, I don't think.

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  2009.03.14  23.42

ramos gin fizz, mint julep, relaxing on the veh-ran-duhh in boxers and wayfayers like a small, living john belushi. i had a lot of fun in new orleans this past weekend.

i find facial "flaws" terribly attractive. today a materials trainer from mayorga coffee came to work to teach me how to make all the new summer drinks. he had a scar across his cheek and i swear i fell in love with him because of how it made his smile tilt a little. i don't know if i'm describing this properly. 


  2009.02.01  23.05

i should be writing a paper for georgetown euro civ, but it is probably more important to let you guys know how much my feet hurt.

i used to be kind of freaked out by all the stuff i have to do, but now i'm shocked by how comfortable i am with it. i practice my arias and i can imagine myself, singing them and not being afraid. everything just gets done. it's not even that i'm so efficient or some kind of a genius, i just feel like i'm getting to the point where i am grown up enough to just do what i have to do. it's kind of strange. i miss my grandmother a lot, i thought about her when i was walking home from work and how much i wish she could see me growing up to be the kind of woman she wanted me to be. it hurts but i feel better knowing how proud she would be.

life just keeps going and going, today it was 56 degrees out but there was still ice enough to make me trip. i can't decide if the world is really simple or complicated, i don't know how much i'd know either way, anyway.


  2009.01.20  19.51
christ my life rules

in brief- vodka tonics, dream smart-guy boyfriend fakeout, 4 am on the mall, FIRED UP-READY TO GO!, saving hypothermia victims, personal frostbite symptoms, the perfect speech for this moment, weird adult university party buses, and fuck school on wednesday. 

a nice blip in an otherwise mundane senior year, but even more importantly a chance to remember how proud i am to be an american, and the fact that faith, hope and love will always triumph over anger, manipulation and fear.


  2009.01.07  21.59

okay, so i hate you a little less now that i know you write AWFUL poems. but not that much less.


  2009.01.02  01.34

 grrrowl like wolverine, i get a whole new life in 2009


  2008.12.22  14.06

man i can't wait to get out of here so i can make new mistakes instead of the usual ones

"same shit, different day" and different names.

doodle doo, i'm not working very hard.


  2008.10.20  23.25
If I don't think about it, little by little, I can un-do it.

Is this too urbane, I can't tell: describing a magazine as more read than respected? I like the reversal. More respected than read.
Oh, funny stuff, funny stuff.


  2008.09.25  23.19

oh gosh. i am trying to think of everything and keep track of everything and at the same time not worry or anything. it's tricky, i have mastered not worrying, but it makes me forget things sometimes. most times. maybe.
i am actually doing quite well, considering. there is a lot to do but i have enough time.


  2008.09.20  20.41

the sky was so beautiful today. i am applying to brown early and hoping for the best.

all i do is day dream. all day.


  2008.09.13  13.08

Nietzsche, I'm afraid, was right: "Aber dies: den Tod, den ganzen Tod, noch vor dem Leben so sanft zu enthalten und nicht bös zu sein, ist unbeschreiblich," which I believe loosely translates to "Give them [the people] ice cream and they will behave." (I have so much to learn!)


  2008.08.25  21.40

there are a few things. senior year starts tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. i am applying to 10 schools? everything is just rolling along.

also um sorry to look so boy crazy and foolish but there are some things i have to get out. i have known geoff for four years and every time i talk to him i get butterflies. still. every time.

sometimes things feel right and there isn't much else to say.


  2008.06.28  22.27

i don't have the energy to do useful things like clean or sign up for georgetown classes or set up my columbia email. i just got home from west virginia, my life is changed. blah blah blah, i spend too much time on the small things. i am breaking up with andrew because i am tired of working really hard for no reason. i'm going through my room to give away everything i don't need. this next year couldn't start any sooner. so tomorrow is good, i guess.


  2008.05.31  20.29

someone tell me honestly if i would look fucking stupid in these shoes. i love them.

i went to visit brown and it was amazing. i feel so ready and excited for everything. there are a lot of things going on, i will post about them later.


  2008.04.30  21.54
more stuff my parents make me do

Okay so if you are in New York this summer I will be there too (July 22nd-August 8th) taking a class at Columbia. Come hang out.

"This course explores the relationship between scientific and religious ideas in the United States from the early nineteenth century to the present. Starting with the Natural Theologians, who made science the “handmaid of theology” in the early Republic, students move forward in time through the publication of Charles Darwin's “On the Origin of Species” and Andrew Dickson White¹s subsequent declaration of a war between science and religion, into the twentieth century with the Scopes trial and the rise of Creationism, the evolutionary synthesis, and finally the recent debates over the teaching of Intelligent Design in public schools.

Because of the often contentious nature of any American conversation in which “evolution” is invoked, students spend a good deal of time looking closely at how conflicts and compromises between the so-called “non-overlapping magisterial” of religion and science are articulated. They also look to some of the frequent sites of compromise and creativity in which religion and science are not viewed as enemies but necessary partners in living meaningful lives and protecting the environment of our rich and varied world."

It is called Deity, Darwin and Intelligent Design: The History of Science and Religion in America.


  2008.04.28  21.28
I am posi

Hey so here is where I am applying to school

1- NYU
2- U Chicago
3- Brown
4- Columbia
5- UC Berkeley
6- A public school east of the Mississippi

Ummm any feedback is appreciated you guyses. I figure it is good to know now, so I can start my applications over the summer. NYU and U Chicago non-binding early action due Nov. 1.

I will be a senior in 34 days so weird! So cool!


  2008.03.18  22.12
i am growing up

I have 2 college visits over spring break- one at NYU and one at Columbia. I am very excited. Also in that vein, I have to complete 2 personal essays about myself for applications for assorted collegiate activities. This is surprisingly hard to do! I don't want to sound like a jerk.
This is the class I am trying to take at Columbia this summer: http://www.ce.columbia.edu/hs/courses.cfm?PID=4&Content=diety_darwin . It looks really really cool. The one down side to my acceptance is that I would only be home for about 4 weeks this summer, and not all at once. This wasn't going to be the end of the world, originally because the trade-off with my parents was I could visit Avery and Maddy at college whenever I want. Now Andrew and I are dating, and if I am away that long it would really really bum me out. I guess there are 2 sides to everything.

Ugh there is so much stuff on the horizon, I need to learn how to say no because I say yes to everything and I have so much stuff that I've committed to now in the next couple of months there will not be much time to relax. I also need to step up to the plate. I have what I need to get what I want, now I need to step up and take it! Cue my fears about my inadequacies, because I need to always have something to complain about.

But really you guys sorry this is kind of an anxious post, I am in love and I am so happy. Also, Holy Week is chugging along well, the Triduum is gonna rule.


  2008.02.15  21.49
Come Down, O Love Divine

oh goodness, i love good weather! this weekend will be cray-zay, so i am trying to start it off calm by staying in tonight, and fantasizing (not in a gross way!) about that guy with who rides the 30 bus with me in the mornings (stop: edmund st, russian embassy) and writing on my priest's facebook walls.

the retreat was AWESOME, despite the fact that the breakdown was about 1/3 cool people, 2/3 the most socially awkward, stunted people to ever live. i think i did i good job as a leader, and everyone i saw was having a good time. i would love to be on staff for something like this again, definitely.

it was peaceful. i am starting to feel so sure about my call in life. i feel that through it i could overcome anything, and imagining it now makes everything stressful about my life fall away.


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